Ultra-Liberal

     They have finally unearthed indisputable proof, after nearly 2000 years of hearsay, folklore and undocumented innuendo, that Jesus Christ, the Son of God, was, in fact, a registered Democrat. This should come as no surprise, since His father, Joseph, belonged to the AFW Local #167 Woodworkers’ Union of Greater Galilee... a member in good standing…except for a few lapses in timely dues payment…plus resulting late fees.
     This blockbuster news is backed by anthropologists’ claims that Jesus was the sole author of a popular left-leaning blog that went by the name, “So, Crucify Me”.
      Further investigation uncovered postings in which Jesus ranted about redlining in poor communities, out and out fraud during the 01 Census in Bethlehem. And how Pontius Pilate could now dictate with impunity due to years and years of gerrymandering by the Galilee GOP.
      Jesus used the blog to announce upcoming rallies and protests, so loyal Democrats could follow His teaching, though the turnout He’d hoped for at the money-changer rally was embarrassingly light. As He arrived to find Himself the only lefty in the place, He texted His manager, who advised Him to make a ruckus, overturn some tables and hope the authorities show, with the press in tow. Jesus’ thumbs were flying now…He didn’t want to look like some extremist nut…just wanted to make His point about free markets, corporate loopholes and the vanishing middle class. His manager’s reply literally leapt off the screen of Christ’s Blackberry, short and sweet…”Any pub is good pub!” So Jesus made sure to get a UPI guy by His side just as the cuffs were being slapped on...click...click...
     That’s one savvy savior...that's one hip holyman!
     The thread of historical entries slowed to a trickle and then disappeared completely as researchers conclude that Jesus, at this time, was on the move. Several reports by those who had contact gave the impression that Jesus, even though ultra-liberal, always worked miracles in a fair and balanced way. Lazarus, who had been dead, but was clearly living when interviewed, said, "Jesus brought me back to life, even though the He knew that I'd always voted as an Independent!”
     That's one savvy savior...that's one hip holyman!